Almost an hour is gone but I was still thinking of him, my mind puzzled me more, “Why am I still thinking of that idiot? Is this because he was my first love? Or else did I really love him? I am totally confused…” I closed my eyes and tried sleeping but I couldn’t. I switched my positions on my bed but still I couldn’t sleep. Nothing helped me to close my eye lids peacefully. So I went to take a fresh bath and came back to sleep.
At the back of the mind I felt pity on him, How this love started? You people may not believe this – but I fell in love with this stupid boy on the moment I saw him first in our school corridor. Without my knowledge my heart started beating for him and loved to spend time seeing him. In no time he proposed to me sweetly and I too accept him the same day. Life had been added with a flavor, “love” the sweetest phase of the life that anyone would cherish. I still remember the verse which he wrote for love, “Love the beautiful word found my human being for the unseen feeling!” Wow! What a way to express love, he is such an awesome writer one day he will surely be identified.
Mom: Hey what the hell are you doing? Why don’t you sleep? It is already three in the morning.
Me: Mom I slept and woke up before few minutes.
Mom: Don’t think about that idiot, go, sleep, and never try to cheat me.
I covered myself in my blanket and tried sleeping but I couldn’t either sleep or stop thinking about him. The last day of our half yearly holidays was the first day he hugged me in rain, the most unforgettable walk right from my school to my house. Wow! What a day it was? Definitely, that hug made me realize what a girl would feel when they became a part of life with someone who is special in their life.
It is always an awesome feeling to get a shoulder when you feel down and I was blessed with his shoulder. I love those sweet moments right from the evening walks to Valentine’s special. I was madly in love with him…………
As usual 6’0 alarm rang and I realized that I had rinsed myself in his thinking and didn’t sleep for the whole night. Shit what happened to me? Why I didn’t sleep for the whole night? I myself couldn’t answer for it. Fine, Let me stop thinking about him, actually I have to do this otherwise my life won’t be happy according to my Mom. But, but, but those days are the best days that I ever had in my life, why should I cheat him and sacrifice those beautiful moments for the sake of money and Mom’s pressure. I shouldn’t lose him at any cost, definitely I shouldn’t, neither him nor the six years of love bondage. This is my final decision and let me talk to him to convince that this won’t happen again. “I love you so much idiot! And I can’t live without you” was the words which I muttered in my mind continuously. I took bath, wore the Salwar Kameez which he gifted for my last birthday and started to his home.
Mom: Where are you going?
Me: I have to meet my Friends to inform them about my marriage (In my mind, I said my marriage with my love)
Just a five minute walk but I said, “I Love You” some thousand times in my mind. I was about to reach his home and found most of my Friends standing outside his home and police patrol too. I had no clue but my heart beat thousands times faster than the normal rate. I almost ran to his home but my Friend stopped me in half way.
Friend: Hey stop. Listen! Don’t reveal that you are the one who he loved.
Me: What happened? Please tell me… Why shouldn’t I?
Friend: He has committed suicide yesterday night, before that he has written a letter to his love.
Me: What???? I couldn’t believe this… Please tell me what happened…….
Friend: He is no more in this world; he committed suicide by consuming n number of sleeping pills.
I had no words to utter, my brain stopped working as I am the person who should take responsibility for this murder. I went in along with my Friends with tears pouring from my eyelids. I wanted to shout that I am responsible for this suicide but my Friends dint allow me to speak with any of the people there; I was shocked to see the special paper which he used to write letter for me under his forehead and his favorite pen in the hand. I took the letter to read………
I stopped breathing after reading the letter, couldn’t move my hands or legs, so my Friends helped me to come out of his home and advised me not to utter any word to anyone.
Me: Why shouldn’t I? I love him… I am the stupid who is responsible for this suicide.
Friends: See even in that letter he didn’t mention your name because he doesn’t want to spoil your life and that is why, Please…
I didn’t utter any words but walked back to my home with tears and scolded that idiot some thousand times for committing suicide. I went inside my room, locked and questioned my mind, “What should I do?” It replied as,
“I loved him madly for six beautiful years… I tried to hate him for sixteen hurting hours… I killed him with my thirty two words… Although I loved him truly, I had cheated him for the sake of money and my Mom and… And now it’s my turn”
I opened my dairy and wrote, “It’s my turn… Meet you in heaven… and with your thoughts, I”………… I hanged myself