I love her ! but I Hate ……

Please… I hope you will understand… I love my Mom more than anyone else in this world… I don’t want to betray her… Please let’s part…’ she left the park after tearing her part.

Breathless I am, can’t utter a word too, sat on the bench as if as a dead man. ‘When did I saw her first?’ ‘Why did I love her?’ I do have an answer for this but…


‘She is hot,’ I heard a voice; my eyes checked out for a girl through the cab’s window and found her. ‘She is a song’, my heart said, and eyes fought with me to stop staring at her. The reason to describe her as a song is when we hear a beautiful song we will hum it all throughout the day. She is such a cutie, my eyes hummed her beautiful image from that moment.

I reached the office a little late than usual after the cynosure treat to my eyes. ‘Sid, this is Isha. From today she is your backup,’ Ram, my manager said, I said a ‘Hi’ to Isha carelessly and later recognized that she is the beautiful song that my eyes love to Hum. ‘Oh My God, the beautiful song is now my junior in office… Cool, cool Sid!’ I said to myself many times.

She sat next to me, took notes and whenever our eyes met we exchanged a smile. ‘Sir, Sir, Sir,’ the most spoken word of the day, and it continued even when she said a Goodbye for the day. ‘I am not a professor but your colleague, call me Sid’ I insisted. She nodded her head, walked with me towards the gate.

‘Where are you staying?’ she questioned, ‘Well, I stay at BTM’, I responded, ‘Hey even I stay at BTM’ and the conversation rooted to all the parts of the world. ‘Although I speak a lot with my friends today I am wordless’, I said, she smiled, that parted us from day1.



I was wordless when she was with me but today I am… I ….



The next day the moment she reached the stop, my heart skipped a beat, and eyes hummed the beautiful song. ‘Hi,’ was the first lyric written by me, and, ‘Good Morning’ was the second word added by her. We got into the cab, ‘Hey! I read your poem, ‘First Waters’, it was awesome’ she said, ‘thanks,’ ‘so… Who is the lucky girl’ ‘I rhymed it for my dream one’.

As soon as we reached the office, we started to stare at the stupid monitor that never showed an output. It ate my brain most of the time but today my brain stopped working not because of the stress but because of her and we ended up in zero productivity, ‘Perhaps the best performer had a bad day, isn’t it?’ she soothed me. ‘Perhaps the best performer brain had stopped working’ I said to myself.



I was brainless that day but today I am… I…



Days rolled on, the sweet music is now sweeter as we became closer and closer, discovered what love is and ourselves.

I waited for her birthday to propose my love. The special day also arrived sooner than expected but my words never as I said, ‘Happy Birthday Isha,’ left the place with a smile.

‘Sid, Sid, wait a minute I want to speak with you,’ she stumbled, ‘I won’t say this is just a friendship, but this is a special relationship. I wish to call this as sweet love,’ she ran from the place shouting, ‘I love you too much idiot…’ I searched her in and out of the campus but couldn’t her, so I messaged her as…

‘My hands told me I’m shivering with fear,
When I only thought of saying it to my dear!

Heart became restless and sounded louder,
Seconds before, it was as silent as falling powder.

Thoughts crept into the mind with great force,
Confused, and stopped it from thinking, of course!

I would imagine that future, a few hours away;
That would burden it with my past straightaway.

Carrying an untold love is heavy, indeed;
Courage, real courage is what I need!

Hiding my fear, or hiding myself in fear,
I came to you and looked at you, my dear.

That very sight quenched the restless senses,
Which were thirsty for that real courage!

I became my natural self, totally myself;
And realized you were surely my real self.

No words said, I saw the ‘heavy’ love,
Getting dissolved in us as it reached you!’



The sweetest poem I ever penned is this as she is the sweetest music I have ever hummed but today… I…

Day becomes night or the night became day I never know, time froze as I sat on the bench. I took mobile and sent a message to her as,

‘The bridge is not so long
I can come to you along

The cold is killing you and me
I can give you, myself, and me

The hurting reasons make me wait
I still love you with all my heart

The sweet memories never fade away
I wish eternal love and peace in our way.’



I had waited for her many times in the same park with all my love even penned many rhymes, one of them on a pleasant evening…


On a pleasant evening with the moon,
I rhymed waters for you to reach soon!
With the birds singing the song,
I rhymed waters with you along!

Trees dances with the gentle breeze,
I rhymed waters for time to freeze!
With plectrum striking the guitar strings,
I rhymed waters with your lips!

Tuning the scales with the pegs,
I rhymed waters for thy bliss!
With the heavy love watering the soul,
I rhymed waters for my twin soul!



But today I am waiting knowing that you won’t come… My mobile beeped, ‘Please come to the park, I wish to meet you once again’… my heart flied like a butterfly, I replied her as, ‘I never left you or the park’…

She came running to the park, stood before me for a second, and hugged me shouting ‘I Love you too much idiot’. She neither uttered a word nor she move from me. I heard my mobile beep once again, ‘You have a mail from Isha!’

Dear :- )
You are so special to me :- )
I never met such a sweet person in my lifetime :- )
Neither my Mom nor you are the reason for me to part but, :- (
God, I may die anytime of this blood cancer :- (
Never know that I am suffering from this dreadful disease :- (
I want to go away from your life, please forgive me :- (
You are so special to me :- )
Dear, I may leave anytime… Have a new life :- )

I felt little chill on my shoulder, so I lifted her and saw blood gushing from her mouth, ‘Isha, Isha, Isha, Isha…’ I cried, but…

.

.

.

.

.
She shouted, “Hey! April fool, how can I miss you…? You are my treasure; she hugged, kissed me intensively”


‘I LOVED HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD AND I HATED HER FOR FOOLING ME’

‘She is a song, a beautiful song I love to hum everyday every minute’

Have you ever had a magical moment when you felt two strongly opposite emotions? Love/Hate? ‘She is a song, a beautiful song I love to hum everyday every minute’.

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0 Replies to “I love her ! but I Hate ……”

  1. I would have started crying the end was not this… I was feeling the chill that your character might be feeling… Man, your poetry…Damn awesome…Loved it like anything… Beautiful yaar, sweet, romantic, thrilling and in one word Awesome…Loved it as always… 🙂

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