I love her ! but I Hate ……

Please… I hope you will understand… I love my Mom more than anyone else in this world… I don’t want to betray her… Please let’s part…’ she left the park after tearing her part.

Breathless I am, can’t utter a word too, sat on the bench as if as a dead man. ‘When did I saw her first?’ ‘Why did I love her?’ I do have an answer for this but…


‘She is hot,’ I heard a voice; my eyes checked out for a girl through the cab’s window and found her. ‘She is a song’, my heart said, and eyes fought with me to stop staring at her. The reason to describe her as a song is when we hear a beautiful song we will hum it all throughout the day. She is such a cutie, my eyes hummed her beautiful image from that moment.

I reached the office a little late than usual after the cynosure treat to my eyes. ‘Sid, this is Isha. From today she is your backup,’ Ram, my manager said, I said a ‘Hi’ to Isha carelessly and later recognized that she is the beautiful song that my eyes love to Hum. ‘Oh My God, the beautiful song is now my junior in office… Cool, cool Sid!’ I said to myself many times.

She sat next to me, took notes and whenever our eyes met we exchanged a smile. ‘Sir, Sir, Sir,’ the most spoken word of the day, and it continued even when she said a Goodbye for the day. ‘I am not a professor but your colleague, call me Sid’ I insisted. She nodded her head, walked with me towards the gate.

‘Where are you staying?’ she questioned, ‘Well, I stay at BTM’, I responded, ‘Hey even I stay at BTM’ and the conversation rooted to all the parts of the world. ‘Although I speak a lot with my friends today I am wordless’, I said, she smiled, that parted us from day1.



I was wordless when she was with me but today I am… I ….



The next day the moment she reached the stop, my heart skipped a beat, and eyes hummed the beautiful song. ‘Hi,’ was the first lyric written by me, and, ‘Good Morning’ was the second word added by her. We got into the cab, ‘Hey! I read your poem, ‘First Waters’, it was awesome’ she said, ‘thanks,’ ‘so… Who is the lucky girl’ ‘I rhymed it for my dream one’.

As soon as we reached the office, we started to stare at the stupid monitor that never showed an output. It ate my brain most of the time but today my brain stopped working not because of the stress but because of her and we ended up in zero productivity, ‘Perhaps the best performer had a bad day, isn’t it?’ she soothed me. ‘Perhaps the best performer brain had stopped working’ I said to myself.



I was brainless that day but today I am… I…



Days rolled on, the sweet music is now sweeter as we became closer and closer, discovered what love is and ourselves.

I waited for her birthday to propose my love. The special day also arrived sooner than expected but my words never as I said, ‘Happy Birthday Isha,’ left the place with a smile.

‘Sid, Sid, wait a minute I want to speak with you,’ she stumbled, ‘I won’t say this is just a friendship, but this is a special relationship. I wish to call this as sweet love,’ she ran from the place shouting, ‘I love you too much idiot…’ I searched her in and out of the campus but couldn’t her, so I messaged her as…

‘My hands told me I’m shivering with fear,
When I only thought of saying it to my dear!

Heart became restless and sounded louder,
Seconds before, it was as silent as falling powder.

Thoughts crept into the mind with great force,
Confused, and stopped it from thinking, of course!

I would imagine that future, a few hours away;
That would burden it with my past straightaway.

Carrying an untold love is heavy, indeed;
Courage, real courage is what I need!

Hiding my fear, or hiding myself in fear,
I came to you and looked at you, my dear.

That very sight quenched the restless senses,
Which were thirsty for that real courage!

I became my natural self, totally myself;
And realized you were surely my real self.

No words said, I saw the ‘heavy’ love,
Getting dissolved in us as it reached you!’



The sweetest poem I ever penned is this as she is the sweetest music I have ever hummed but today… I…

Day becomes night or the night became day I never know, time froze as I sat on the bench. I took mobile and sent a message to her as,

‘The bridge is not so long
I can come to you along

The cold is killing you and me
I can give you, myself, and me

The hurting reasons make me wait
I still love you with all my heart

The sweet memories never fade away
I wish eternal love and peace in our way.’



I had waited for her many times in the same park with all my love even penned many rhymes, one of them on a pleasant evening…


On a pleasant evening with the moon,
I rhymed waters for you to reach soon!
With the birds singing the song,
I rhymed waters with you along!

Trees dances with the gentle breeze,
I rhymed waters for time to freeze!
With plectrum striking the guitar strings,
I rhymed waters with your lips!

Tuning the scales with the pegs,
I rhymed waters for thy bliss!
With the heavy love watering the soul,
I rhymed waters for my twin soul!



But today I am waiting knowing that you won’t come… My mobile beeped, ‘Please come to the park, I wish to meet you once again’… my heart flied like a butterfly, I replied her as, ‘I never left you or the park’…

She came running to the park, stood before me for a second, and hugged me shouting ‘I Love you too much idiot’. She neither uttered a word nor she move from me. I heard my mobile beep once again, ‘You have a mail from Isha!’

Dear :- )
You are so special to me :- )
I never met such a sweet person in my lifetime :- )
Neither my Mom nor you are the reason for me to part but, :- (
God, I may die anytime of this blood cancer :- (
Never know that I am suffering from this dreadful disease :- (
I want to go away from your life, please forgive me :- (
You are so special to me :- )
Dear, I may leave anytime… Have a new life :- )

I felt little chill on my shoulder, so I lifted her and saw blood gushing from her mouth, ‘Isha, Isha, Isha, Isha…’ I cried, but…

.

.

.

.

.
She shouted, “Hey! April fool, how can I miss you…? You are my treasure; she hugged, kissed me intensively”


‘I LOVED HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD AND I HATED HER FOR FOOLING ME’

‘She is a song, a beautiful song I love to hum everyday every minute’

Have you ever had a magical moment when you felt two strongly opposite emotions? Love/Hate? ‘She is a song, a beautiful song I love to hum everyday every minute’.

This post is participating in the contest, If you wish me to win, please vote for me on IndiBlogger by clicking Promote there. Thanks !

Wow ! What a day !

Wow! What a day it was? It started when I met Balaganesh of Linger Print Expert and Aswin of The Utopian in IndiBus. Although we took the long route, we reached the venue before the meet actually started. Just an hour of travel but it was one of my memorable travel as I met one of my best friends in blogosphere, Leo of I Rhyme Without Reason. After reaching Iskon Temple, we were given a warm welcome by IndiBlogger team followed by the registration formalities and that is when Leo introduced Shravan Ragunath. As usual, I went to sit in the last bench but after seeing Leo went and sat in the middle rows. Suddenly I heard a voice that welcomed us and followed by a video about Akshaya Patra. I thought it would be some crap stories but the video made me realize what is Akshaya Patra, Hats off for the wonderful work done by Akshaya Patra, I love to call them of ‘Mother’ of ‘Mothers’. Wow! What a video? What a speech? Hats off once again Akshaya Patra…

I introduced myself with the blogging friends who sat nearby me, suddenly one of my best blogging buddies name popped up, Zainab Urooj of Scattered Thoughts and it was a memorable moment as this was the first time I met her. Based on the suggestion from Lakshmi Rajan of Ginger Chai about the one-minute intro, IndiBlogger Team surprised 60 lucky bloggers to spell out their fame. Although I was not lucky to be in the list my lucky blogging friend, Zainab made me fly with the sweet words about me in her intro. ‘He always supports and inspires me a lot. He writes at Few Miles, Thanks Zainab for the sweet words, I never expected that. After the intro session, we had our lunch, Prasatham (Divine food by Akshaya Patra).

Behind the Back’, a lovely initiative by IndiBlogger that helped me to connect with as many blogging friends as possible and to know about them within the short span of time. In addition, I thank all of them for their wonderful comments. I love you all a lot. Here are some of the comments I loved…



‘Thank you so much for all your support’ – Zainab Urooj of Scattered Thoughts
‘Hope you get that someone special’ – Aswin of The Utopian
‘good to see someone’ – Shravan of The Graveyard of my own Thoughts.
‘Be a special person’ – @desibond of Bandla’s Blog
‘Hi Enjoy’ – Thousif Raza of Soul Space
‘Happy Blogging’ – Sagar Shah
‘Nice to Meet ‘U’’ – Dipa Chakraborty of Compressed soliloquy
‘Happy Blogging’ – Senthil of Senthil’s Blog
‘Nice to Meet ‘U’’ – Harsha Chittar of Voices in my Head
‘Wish you all the very best’ – Mil.. (PS: I couldn’t find your name)
‘all the best’ – http://www.yoursdigitalspace.com/
‘Nice to meet U’ – Anonymous
‘House-full?’ – Anonymous
‘Keep Blogging – Enjoy Blogging’ – Lakshmi Rajan of Ginger Chai
‘All the best! God Bless’ – Anonymous
‘Always be special’ – Vinki
‘Nice to meet ‘U’ – Arun of Trinities.info
‘Hello ! Nice to meet u ’ – Prathiba Mohanty
‘Always be good or I’ll put you in Jail’ Rashi of The Rocky Road
‘All the best! Publish a book of your someone special’ – Manish of Layers 7
‘Have fun Blogging’ – Anupama of I Think …Therefore I Am
‘Thank you for Blogging’ – Anonymous
‘Happy Blogging’ – GTRICKS.COM
‘Keep Rocking’ – Vinutha N of My Goof Your Grain

And lot more friends left their twitter handle and blog URL in my sheet but that are not clear for me to read. Sorry friends I love you all. Thanks for all the smiles and IndiBlogger Team thanks for this…

Well, I thought ‘Behind the Back’ would be most excited part of the day but Anwin made the debate ‘Blogging – Social Communities – a complimentary or not?’ more interesting with live summary and points. Thanks for all of them who participated in. ‘I enjoyed it a lot’

“Last but not the least – the T-shirt”, nice feel good t-shirt thanks IndiBlogger Team. Well my first meet became the memorable meet. Thanks once again IndiBlogger Team, ‘IndiMeet Rocks’ and special thanks to Akshaya Patra.. You people are rocking !

Love to meet and make more friends in future…

Call it as Love… Emotional Atyachaar..

Please… I Hope you will understand… I love my mom more than anyone else in this world… I can’t say no the marriage arranged by her… Please… Please Let’s breakup…” were the last few words uttered by me to him, he looked very confused, disturbed, and I hope he will be fine by tomorrow. Hmm… I would have said “No” to my Mom but that was not my answer as the guy whom my mom chosen would be my best, “better half” as he works in abroad, owns a Audi, BMW, Honda City Sports car’s, a villa near Neelangarai. What else does he lack for me to say “No, he doesn’t deserve me”?, moreover my Mom’s extreme pressure made me to say that he is my perfect match and I strongly believe that my Mom is always right in finalizing things. I decided not to confuse myself but rather to sleep peacefully, and so I went to bed.

Almost an hour is gone but I was still thinking of him, my mind puzzled me more, “Why am I still thinking of that idiot? Is this because he was my first love? Or else did I really love him? I am totally confused…” I closed my eyes and tried sleeping but I couldn’t. I switched my positions on my bed but still I couldn’t sleep. Nothing helped me to close my eye lids peacefully. So I went to take a fresh bath and came back to sleep.

At the back of the mind I felt pity on him, How this love started? You people may not believe this – but I fell in love with this stupid boy on the moment I saw him first in our school corridor. Without my knowledge my heart started beating for him and loved to spend time seeing him. In no time he proposed to me sweetly and I too accept him the same day. Life had been added with a flavor, “love” the sweetest phase of the life that anyone would cherish. I still remember the verse which he wrote for love, “Love the beautiful word found my human being for the unseen feeling!” Wow! What a way to express love, he is such an awesome writer one day he will surely be identified.

Mom: Hey what the hell are you doing? Why don’t you sleep? It is already three in the morning.

Me: Mom I slept and woke up before few minutes.

Mom: Don’t think about that idiot, go, sleep, and never try to cheat me.

I covered myself in my blanket and tried sleeping but I couldn’t either sleep or stop thinking about him. The last day of our half yearly holidays was the first day he hugged me in rain, the most unforgettable walk right from my school to my house. Wow! What a day it was? Definitely, that hug made me realize what a girl would feel when they became a part of life with someone who is special in their life.

It is always an awesome feeling to get a shoulder when you feel down and I was blessed with his shoulder. I love those sweet moments right from the evening walks to Valentine’s special. I was madly in love with him…………

As usual 6’0 alarm rang and I realized that I had rinsed myself in his thinking and didn’t sleep for the whole night. Shit what happened to me? Why I didn’t sleep for the whole night? I myself couldn’t answer for it. Fine, Let me stop thinking about him, actually I have to do this otherwise my life won’t be happy according to my Mom. But, but, but those days are the best days that I ever had in my life, why should I cheat him and sacrifice those beautiful moments for the sake of money and Mom’s pressure. I shouldn’t lose him at any cost, definitely I shouldn’t, neither him nor the six years of love bondage. This is my final decision and let me talk to him to convince that this won’t happen again. “I love you so much idiot! And I can’t live without you” was the words which I muttered in my mind continuously. I took bath, wore the Salwar Kameez which he gifted for my last birthday and started to his home.

Mom: Where are you going?

Me: I have to meet my Friends to inform them about my marriage (In my mind, I said my marriage with my love)

Just a five minute walk but I said, “I Love You” some thousand times in my mind. I was about to reach his home and found most of my Friends standing outside his home and police patrol too. I had no clue but my heart beat thousands times faster than the normal rate. I almost ran to his home but my Friend stopped me in half way.

Friend: Hey stop. Listen! Don’t reveal that you are the one who he loved.

Me: What happened? Please tell me… Why shouldn’t I?

Friend: He has committed suicide yesterday night, before that he has written a letter to his love.

Me: What???? I couldn’t believe this… Please tell me what happened…….

Friend: He is no more in this world; he committed suicide by consuming n number of sleeping pills.

I had no words to utter, my brain stopped working as I am the person who should take responsibility for this murder. I went in along with my Friends with tears pouring from my eyelids. I wanted to shout that I am responsible for this suicide but my Friends dint allow me to speak with any of the people there; I was shocked to see the special paper which he used to write letter for me under his forehead and his favorite pen in the hand. I took the letter to read………




I stopped breathing after reading the letter, couldn’t move my hands or legs, so my Friends helped me to come out of his home and advised me not to utter any word to anyone.

Me: Why shouldn’t I? I love him… I am the stupid who is responsible for this suicide.

Friends: See even in that letter he didn’t mention your name because he doesn’t want to spoil your life and that is why, Please…

I didn’t utter any words but walked back to my home with tears and scolded that idiot some thousand times for committing suicide. I went inside my room, locked and questioned my mind, “What should I do?” It replied as,

I loved him madly for six beautiful years… I tried to hate him for sixteen hurting hours… I killed him with my thirty two words… Although I loved him truly, I had cheated him for the sake of money and my Mom and… And now it’s my turn

I opened my dairy and wrote, “It’s my turn… Meet you in heaven… and with your thoughts, I”………… I hanged myself

This post is a part of “Emotional Atyachaar contest organized by IndiBlogger.

The original image used to create this letter are taken from this source, labelled reuse with modifications.